You are welcome
As part of its transition from Spring Hill United Methodist Church to Resurrection Spring Hill, core team members are relearning some of the basics of being a church – especially the need to be radically welcoming.
Some of what you will read here is being presented to team members by Yvonne Gentile of the Resurrection staff. She and Debi Nixon have written a book, The Art of Hospitality, that covers this ground thoroughly.
The gist of what follows, however, comes not from that book but from a couple of messages that I delivered more than 20 years ago. See, these principles are not new. Neither are the issues they address. We neglect them to our peril.
This is a message I delivered during the church’s informal Summer Session this Sunday.
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Linda and I have some friends who once moved away and immediately began the hunt for a friendly church.
The first church they checked out was cold and indifferent. The music was lethargic. The pastor’s message was uninvolving. Worse, not a single person spoke to them the entire time they were there. Not a single person even said hello – not even the usher who handed them bulletins. No one said a word to them.
They were stunned by the reception they received. As they were walking to their car, four-year-old Aiden summed it up as only he could. He said: “Well, that sucks!”
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Every church in the world considers itself friendly. Wherever you go, you'll hear, "We're a friendly church." But the sad truth is that many churches are friendly only within their closed circle.
They are not friendly to newcomers. They are actually hostile to newcomers, because they make newcomers feel like outsiders rather than like guests.
Have you ever stepped into a room where it's obvious that everyone there knows everyone else and no one knows you – and no one cares to know you?
Someone has said that visiting a church is like walking into the wrong family reunion. No one has to tell you to go away. It’s clear you are not welcome.
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On any given Sunday, every church gathering may be visited by a special guest – a person who is looking for a spiritual home. It is our joyous task as Christian people to welcome every person who comes to our door as if that person were Christ himself.
The Rule of Saint Benedict has guided the leaders of monasteries and retreats for many centuries. It has one simple guideline for hospitality: “Let all guests be received as Christ.”
Remember that Jesus told us, "Whatever you do to the least of my children, that you do to me" (Matthew 25:40).
Christ comes to us in many different shapes and sizes and colors, in many different costumes – and sometimes, as Mother Teresa once said, in a "distressing disguise." If we snub one person, we snub Christ.
The book of Hebrews lowers the stakes a little. It says, “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it” (Hebrews 13.2). Whether we’re entertaining angels or Christ himself, we want to get it right.
When people come to us, especially for the first time, they are not here primarily to hear the music or the prayers or the sermon. They are here to test the relational climate. If the climate is cold or indifferent, they will know immediately.
Basically, they want to learn four things:
• Who are the people here?
• Are they like me?
• Will they like me?
• Will I like them?”
If they can get “yes” answers to those questions, they’ll likely come back. So it’s up to us to introduce ourselves as genuinely and therefore as convincingly as we can.
Surveys consistently show that people decide within the first 7 to 10 minutes whether they will return. We don’t have much time to make a good impression. First impressions are the best – or the worst – impression we will leave on most guests.
I think that's the key. Do we consider newcomers as visitors or as guests? A visitor is a short timer, just someone passing through. A guest is someone we value simply because they have come into our presence.
When you invite someone into your home, how do you behave? That's the kind of hospitality we need to extend to others as a church. There should be no visitors in our midst – only guests.
Hospitality starts with a warm and genuine greeting at the door – if not at the front steps, if not in the parking lot itself. If you're just going through the motions, people will immediately sense that and label you – and the church – as phony.
So we greet all guests as if they were very important, because they are. They are made in the image of Christ. So we ought to treat them as if they were Christ himself.
They come to church hoping somehow to experience the love of God. Our job is to remove all the distractions, obstacles and obstructions that they might encounter moving into unfamiliar territory among unfamiliar people.
They are more likely to experience the love of God if they experience love from us. Above all else, they will remember how we made them feel. So we want them all to feel welcome, loved for who they are.
What follows now is a guest service training manual: 10 commandments for welcoming people to our church.
1. As I said earlier, greet every newcomer as a guest, not a visitor. Offer each person a gift that only you can provide – that is, the gift of your full attention. You never know whether this person is Christ in disguise, or an angel, or your new best friend.
2. Never point. Always escort. If a newcomer asks you where something is, don’t just tell. Show and tell. Along the way, if there’s time, you might introduce yourself and get to know the person a little.
If you can’t show and tell for some reason – you’re caring for a child or are physically unable or otherwise fully occupied – then quickly find somebody else who can help.
Here’s how important that is: On the Fourth of July weekend we had guests in our home and we wanted to make homemade ice cream. I discovered that we were out of rock salt, so I went to Price Chopper in search of more. It wasn’t in any of the places I thought were logical. I was baffled.
I saw a young checkout clerk who had nobody in his line at the moment, so I asked him about it. He grinned and said, “You’ll never find it on your own. Let me show you.” He turned off the light on his work station and led me to where the rock salt was cleverly hidden. Then he led me back to his work station and checked me out, smiling all the time.
That’s good customer service – and fine hospitality.
3. When you encounter someone new, don’t ask, “Are you new here?” That can be embarrassing when you ask someone who’s been part of the church for 20 years and you’ve never gotten around to meeting them.
If you see someone you don’t know, simply say, “Hi! I don’t think I know you. My name is…” This is your newcomer mantra. Repeat it with me, please. “Hi! I don’t think I know you. My name is…”
That approach puts guest and host on the same level. Neither of you is “in” or “out.” For all the newcomer knows, you might be a newcomer yourself.
Well, there is one giveaway.
4. You’re wearing your nametag. It’s the easiest way to let others know who you are. OK, we don’t have nametags yet, but we will. When we get them, wear yours every Sunday. Linda and I have been known to keep ours in the glove box of our car, so it goes with us wherever we go, just like Pocket Jesus.
I have to confess. I have a short-term memory problem. When I’m introduced to people, I remember their names for roughly 10 seconds. I need all the help I can get with names. Nametags help immensely.
Newcomers don’t have nametags, of course, and they don’t want to advertise themselves as newcomers by wearing a nametag that’s different from everyone else’s. So make it easy on the newcomer by wearing your nametag, and trying hard to remember their name.
5. Save the “best seats” in the back for guests. Face it. We all want to sit in the back so that we can see who’s here and who’s not – and no one likes twisting around to see who’s behind you.
Newcomers feel the same way. They want to sit in the back so they can observe others without being observed. Newcomers also typically arrive late, so saving room for them in the back causes less embarrassment for them while they’re trying to find a seat.
Of course, if your family includes small children, you may want to sit near the back so that if a child gets disruptive, you can escape without bothering people. It’s OK for you to sit in back with the newcomers. Just make sure you greet them.
How do you greet them? You say: “Hi! I don’t think I know you. My name is…”
6. If the best seats are in the back, the best parking spaces are closest to the building. So, unless you have a mobility problem, save the best parking spaces for guests.
Newcomers are probably going to arrive late anyway – and if they have to hunt for a parking space, they’ll be even later getting into the building.
So follow Jesus’ rule: “The first shall be last” (Matthew 20.16). When you pull into the parking lot, look for the worst space that’s left.
If we run out of spaces – and we might some day soon – some of us may have to park across the street in the library parking lot. If that makes it easier for a guest to park, it’s worth the longer walk.
And if you encounter someone new once you get closer to the building, what do you say? “Hi! I don’t think I know you. My name is…”
By the way, I know that being this open to newcomers is not easy. I’m an introvert. I’m naturally shy. I have to push myself to greet strangers this way. But I always feel better afterward.
7. Remember the “circle of 10.” Imagine a 10-foot radius all around you. Wherever you’re sitting, that’s your home turf. Greet everyone who steps inside this 10-foot radius.
How do you greet them? “Hi! I don’t think I know you. My name is…”
The point of this rule is to keep church people from running across the sanctuary and pouncing on newcomers like predators in search of fresh meat. Only approach a newcomer who’s outside your circle if that person appears especially lost or neglected.
Newcomers want a taste of our hospitality but not such a huge helping that they’re overwhelmed. They want to be welcomed beyond their expectations, but not mobbed.
8. Here’s another rule – the “rule of three.” For the first three minutes after the end of worship, try to talk to newcomers only. Try not to talk to anyone you know unless there is no one else close by to talk to.
Here’s the rationale: It takes a newcomer three minutes to slip out of the church. We can’t let them escape without meaningful human contact. So even if you’ve already met them – especially if you’ve already met them – try to talk with them on the way out.
9. What do you talk about? How about, “I’m glad I met you today. Thanks for being here. Have a good week. Hope to see you again.” Normal stuff. You’re not trying to impress people with what a great conversationalist you are. You’re just being friendly. That’s all you need to be.
10. Finally, don’t talk church business in the presence of guests. Your first priority is getting to know them. It’s rude to talk about things they’re not involved with. And, since they don’t know the context of the conversation, it’s easy for them to get the wrong impression about what you’re discussing.
These 10 “rules” aren’t really rules. They’re just pointers for welcoming people, reminding us how to be more open to others. If we follow these pointers, we’ll become a more welcoming church and a growing church, because we are welcoming others just as Jesus welcomed us.
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Do you remember four-year-old Aiden, who I mentioned at the opening of this talk? He’s all grown up now. He’s a graduate of West Point and an Army officer. Wherever the Army sends him, I expect he’s always looking for a friendly church.